Whether she took a screaming baby from a mother who slapped the child or offered to hold the baby to calm the situation, a Southwest Airlines flight attendant's actions this week has sparked a debate on how to handle something that frustrates passengers and airline employees alike:

The crying baby.

Pittsburgh child advocates who have launched programs to help quell family conflicts in public places say their coping strategies can also help on planes -- perhaps the most challenging venue.

"As a parent sitting on a plane, I'm humiliated because my child won't stop crying. I'm in panic mode," said Christine Patterson, a trainer for intervention programs at Family Resources, the largest nonprofit agency in the area dedicated to child abuse prevention and treatment.

"It's a very stressful situation no matter where you are."

The latest incident took place Monday aboard a Dallas-to-Seattle flight. Flight attendant Beverly McCurley told police in Albuquerque, N.M., where the flight had a scheduled stop, she saw a mother hit her screaming 13-month-old on the face with her open hand. Ms. McCurley described the mother as agitated and also saw the woman slap the baby on the legs and tell the child to shut up.

The mother later told police she "popped" the tired tot after the child kicked her, because "when she's screaming and she can't hear me say no, that's the only way I can get her to stop."

Ms. McCurley, 53, a 20-year veteran with Southwest, told police she took the baby and walked to the rear of the plane. She said the father came back, took the child and stood there with her until she fell asleep. The child had a bruise on her face that the parents said resulted from a dog bite.

Paramedics checked out the child in Albuquerque, and the family boarded another flight. No charges were filed.

As more information emerged this week, Southwest spokesman Brad Hawkins told The Dallas Morning News that Ms. McCurley didn't "take" the child, but offered to hold the baby while tensions cooled.

"It was really a 'can I help with the baby?' kind of situation," he said, keeping with airline policy in which the crew is trained to "do the right thing and to maintain the security and the comfort of all customers."

Parents on both sides of the corporal punishment debate agree that hitting a baby that young is wrong.

Andi Fischhoff, a spokeswoman for Family Resources, said if Ms. McCurley had just taken the baby away, it would have been the improper thing to do. But stepping in to try to gently distract the child or to offer support to the parent was exactly right.

With tensions already high among stressed airline travelers, adding a fussy baby to the mix is enough to put some over the edge. While Ms. McCurley's actions have been hailed in some blogs across the country, passengers also have had plenty to say about what they describe as a "living nightmare" of being stuck in a metal tube with a child in meltdown mode.

Any parent who's traveled with small children knows the difficulty of keeping them calm in the cramped space. Changing cabin pressure can hurt their ears, and the long idle time makes them restless. Bringing plenty of snacks, water, a pacifier, books and small toys can help occupy them to a point, but babies still get cranky.

Passengers sitting near the family can help ease the stress when things are getting out of control, said Ms. Patterson, who has been with Family Resources for eight years.

Gently distracting the parent's attention away from the child or saying, "We've all had these days. Just hang in there," can be enough to defuse the situation, she said. It may not stop the crying, but it can quickly calm the parent's anger.

"It may be just that break they need. People need to feel like they're not alone."

What doesn't work: The exaggerated exhales by annoyed passengers.

"It's pouring fuel on the fire that can make things worse," Ms. Patterson said.

"Nobody wants to be the person who's not patient. You don't want to be called a failure by everyone around you."

Since 2000, Family Resources has been developing a program called One Kind Word to advise bystanders on how to intervene in family conflicts that occur in public. Ms. Patterson has taught workshops to more than 1,000 employees of the Pittsburgh Zoo, Giant Eagle, Children's Museum and other organizations. These are places where people frequently see conflicts.

When a problem escalates, they're urged to connect with the parents, distract them and offer assistance.

Ms. Patterson has encountered several tense situations while riding the bus. Sometimes she'll distract the parent by complimenting the kids -- "Oh, her hair is adorable. His shoes are cute." It's enough to stop it.

She said close to 80 percent of the people she's trained have used One Kind Word at their workplace or asked for a supervisor's help to defuse a conflict. Moreover, more than half of them have used the strategy outside of work.

"It's a little more complicated in a plane situation -- no one is going anywhere," Ms. Patterson said. "But if someone sets an example of being kind and patient, it benefits everyone."

There's more about this program at www.onekindword.org.

Doug Oster writes a blog, "Growing With Doug," exclusively at PG+, a members-only web site of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Our introduction to PG+ gives you all the details.