The following column is pure conjecture. The meeting took place, but the dialogue is invented:

On Wednesday, Shawn Carter and the president of the United States finally synchronized their schedules. Hours before performing at Washington, D.C.'s Verizon Center, the rapper and entrepreneur known as Jay-Z breezed through several White House checkpoints with the ease of a visiting head of state.

The Secret Service agents who discreetly waved electronic wands over every inch of his custom-fitted suit didn't really expect to find contraband. The performer who took up such a disproportionate amount of space on the presidential iPod wouldn't be stupid enough to try to smuggle in a Cuban cigar, much less a mentholated cigarette or two, given the first lady's antipathy to all tobacco.

Still, ever since l'affaire Salahi, the gate-crashing incident that cost former White House social secretary Desiree Rogers her job, a sense of institutional formality has returned to the checkpoints. Zero tolerance for the unusual reigns. A guy who wrote a song called "Dead Presidents" 15 years ago was going to get a second look, despite having removed his $2,500 sunglasses at the first perimeter.

Eager to cooperate with every protocol, Jay-Z made eye contact with each Secret Service agent before stating his business. The young White House assistant sent to guide him through the maze of West Wing hallways leading to the Oval Office made giddy small talk.

She quizzed the author of "Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)," "Empire State of Mind" and "Big Pimpin'" about whether he planned to respond to Beanie Sigel's diss song.

Jay-Z was more interested in the modern paintings that lined the walls than gossiping about a beef with a rapper who was once a friend and protégé.

"That's a Josef Albers over there," Jay-Z said. "The president and first lady have exquisite tastes. I could use an Alma Thomas and a Richard Diebenkorn for the Park Avenue crib myself."

"These are just on loan to the First Family," the assistant said. Jay-Z smiled and made a mental note to bid for paintings by the same artists the next day.

Suddenly, the door to the Oval Office opened. Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel emerged, nodding to Jay-Z as he left. President Barack Obama stood in the center of the room cradling a phone to his ear. He gestured to Jay-Z to sit in the chair across from his desk.

"He's here now, honey," Mr. Obama said. "Gotta go. I'll tell him you said hello." After turning off his BlackBerry, the president gave Jay-Z the traditional African-American male greeting -- a palm-to-palm embrace and shoulder pat.

"The first lady?" Jay-Z asked, stunned at how surreal it was to be the first rapper to visit the White House since the late Eazy-E got an invitation to have lunch with George H.W. Bush after donating money to Republicans.

"That was my precocious middle-schooler. She seems to know all about you even though she isn't old enough to listen to your music," Mr. Obama said with crossed arms and a smile. Jay-Z grinned sheepishly. "Kids today, Mr. President," he said looking down at his shoes.

Within minutes, they were marveling about how improbable their White House meeting would have been just a few years ago. "This is America," the president said. "Who says that a former community activist and a former community hellraiser can't shoot the breeze at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?"

"That's probably why so many people hate you, Mr. President. Meeting with folks like me doesn't help your street cred with the tea baggers," the rapper said. "This is some Putney Swopes madness up in this here."

"So, what do you think about this situation in New York?" Mr. Obama said, changing the subject. "Governor Paterson and Charlie Rangel are taking their lumps at the same time. It's been a bad Black History Month for the brothers in the Empire State, I'd say."

"They brought that on themselves," Jay-Z said cautiously.

"Ninety-nine problems?" Mr. Obama chimed, alluding to the title of one of Jay-Z's most popular songs.

"If you say so, Mr. President."

Tony Norman's weekly video, the Last Word, is featured exclusively in the Insight section on PG+, a members-only web site from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Our introduction to PG+ gives you all the details.