The Morning File has always considered "Love and Death" Woody Allen's funniest film, and chock-full of historical insights such as his character Boris' prescient idea of who should be running Russia: "The serfs ... Only they know how to do things. A fence needs putting up, it's always the serfs."

If the movie were set in modern-day Pittsburgh, however, Boris' lines would be different. "The billionaires ... They're the ones who rescue everyone. A sports franchise or casino needs to be saved, it's always the billionaires."

Wealthy Chicagoan Neil Bluhm appears poised to prevent the skeleton of Don Barden's North Shore casino from becoming some historical conversation piece symbolizing man's avarice -- and failure at it -- for future generations of Pittsburghers.

Stanley Druckenmiller, who hedged funds (whatever that means) skillfully enough to get on the Forbes billionaire list well before middle age, could be the one who helps the Rooney family out of some Cain versus Abel versus Patrick/Dan/Tom/etc. melodrama.

And these two come along nine years after California businessman Ron Burkle -- coincidentally tied with Mr. Druckenmiller at 91st on the Forbes list of richest Americans -- provided Mario Lemieux with the bucks to bring the Penguins out of bankruptcy.

The Carnegies, Mellons and Fricks of yesteryear have given way to the Bluhms, Burkles and Druckenmillers of today, only instead of providing gifts of universities, libraries, museums and parks, they use their wealth to preserve our access to sports fandom and gambling. Hmmm.

I'm rich, and I want a party!

What is it with these billionaires and their birthdays anyway?

Most of us adults are happy to dash out on our birthdays for a quick meal at some chain restaurant that brings us a free dessert, and we're satisfied so long as we don't have to miss anything important for it -- like a television show.

But once you amass the type of bank account where the number of zeroes all mean good things instead of bad, you regress to needing the type of party that over-indulgent parents lavish upon their brats. Just ask 84 Lumber founder Joe Hardy, who seemingly won't blow out all his candles unless Bette Midler or Christina Aguilera is there to help him.

Turns out that Neil Bluhm isn't much different. He turned 70 this year, and invited a few hundred friends to celebrate under tents in Chicago's Millenium Park. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld showed up to do a 30-minute stand-up routine. Other years, Jackie Mason and Dennis Miller provided entertainment.

Back in the 1990s, it was reported that the Pointer Sisters sang at Mr. Druckenmiller's birthday party.

Mr. Burkle, meanwhile, is known as a party animal, but not necessarily to celebrate his own birthdays. Instead, he opens up the Beverly Hills mansion of his, built by silent film star Harold Lloyd, for all kinds of swanky causes. He's a close friend of the Clintons, while Mr. Bluhm is a major fund-raiser for Barack Obama.

Her money's gone to the dogs

Any of these billionaires may be preferable to Leona Helmsley, unless, of course, you're a dog.

The so-called "Queen of Mean" died last year with an estate of billions and left $12 million to Trouble, her white Maltese that Mrs. Helmsley wanted to be sure continued living a life of luxury. A judge eventually reduced the pooch's trust fund to $2 million, determining that is all it needed to get by.

That inheritance is not the best news for the canine world, however. It was revealed this month that she wanted nearly all of her estate, at least $5 billion, to be used for the care and welfare of dogs. The New York Times reported that the amount is almost 10 times the combined assets of all 7,381 animal-related nonprofit groups reporting to the Internal Revenue Service in 2005.

And just to think, she could have bought out the Rooneys AND built a palatial casino -- amphitheater and all -- with that money.