Hope you're not hungry. "Hell's Kitchen" has returned for season four, and mouthy Chef Gordon Ramsay isn't impressed with his new crop of cooks. When they present Chef their signature dishes, Matt's "Exotic Tartare" makes him puke, and Petrozza's "Hen in a Pumpkin" is laughable (and dry). Teams are divided by gender, and while the women don't win the horrible first dinner service, the guys lose. Louross nominates Bobby and Dominic for elimination. While Bobby's a poor captain, Dominic throws out way too many scallops, and his cooking skills are lacking. The stay-at-home dad is the first to hang up his jacket.

"Hell's Kitchen" airs Tuesday at 9 p.m. on Fox.

Hello, Dolly! Ms. Parton is this week's special guest on "American Idol," and surprisingly the guys perform the country diva's hits the best. Ramiele Malubay and Carly Smithson are in the bottom three for the first time, along with third-timer Kristy Lee Cook. Ramiele -- who hoped to be the first Asian "Idol" -- is eliminated for her performance of "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind." Whatever; I'm still mourning last week's loss of Chikezie.

"Idol" airs Tuesday at 8 and Wednesday at 9 p.m. on Fox.

Channel surfing

Actor Steve Guttenberg was a crowd favorite on "Dancing with the Stars," but he's not tops with home viewers, whose votes combined with the judges' score of 21 have him eliminated. The Gutte improves this week thanks to his tango with Anna Trebunskaya, so it's a bit surprising he's out when Tony winner Marissa Jaret Winokur gets only a 19. Besides, his silly "mango" with Anna's husband, Jonathan Roberts, is such a hoot, he deserves extra points!

"Dancing" airs Monday 8 at and Tuesday at 9 p.m. on ABC.

On "America's Next Top Model," Whitney is discouraged on the go-sees when some designers say they wouldn't book her because she's plus-size. Too bad she's only a size 10 -- not exactly plus-size if you ask me! But the curvy beauty rocks the Fuerzabruta underwater posing challenge. Lauren and Claire are the bottom two. Tyra Banks says Lauren's awkward and needs to step up her personality and confidence. She gets another chance, while gorgeous mom Claire is too one-note, and therefore eliminated.

"Top Model" airs Wednesday at 8 p.m. on the CW.

On "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," as Kendal becomes a young lady, she becomes bratty. So her big sisters educate the youngster on the birds and the bees. When they watch the emotional video of Kendal's birth, the 'tween finally loosens up. Meanwhile, Kris rehearses to audition for the L.A. Sparks Ole Skool Crew Dancers, but injures her knee so severely she requires surgery. Once again, Khloe and Kourtney to the rescue -- they make mom smile by giving her a skimpy cheerleader outfit, which stepdad Bruce Jenner cheers for.

"Kardashians" airs Sunday at 10 p.m. on E!

On "Rock of Love," Bret goes to Las Vegas with his final four. Jessica's trying to prove herself by keeping up with the party girls, but it seems more like she's playing dress-up as a rocker chick. Her tour ends in Sin City. "As sexy as she was, she needed to find someone in her life who is a young soul like her," Bret says. His final three are true drama queens -- hothead groupie Destiny, mature actress Ambre and crazy Daisy, who Bret discovers used to hang out with fellow Poisoner C.C. DeVille. We also discover Daisy's a dancer (not shocking) and she's in debt thanks to her lip injections and breast implants. But Bret admits he's falling in love with her, and I think the petite mess is a shoo-in to win.

"Rock of Love" airs Sunday at noon, 9 and 11 p.m. on VH1.

Crybaby of the Week

... is Joshuah on "Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part." When Natalie replaces veto winner James with Sharon on the block, Joshuah campaigns to get his gal pal eliminated by crying on cue. Joshuah's hysterics don't work (although he manages to make new Head of Household Adam shed a tear), as he's voted out, 3 to 1, over Sharon.

"Big Brother" airs Sunday and Wednesday at 8 p.m. and Tuesday at 9 p.m. on CBS.

Coming up

• "Secret Talents of the Stars," Tuesday, 10 p.m., CBS.
• "Viva Hollywood," April 13, 10:30 p.m., VH1.
• "The Paper," April 14, 10:30 p.m., MTV.
• "Work Out," April 15, Bravo.
• "Farmer Wants a Wife," April 30, the CW.
• "The Real World: Hollywood," May 21, 9 p.m., MTV.